Happy Holidays

Scuttlebutt and Scuttleblog will be turning out the lights until the new year. Enjoy the holidays!

Spank me

Each day we do get a report on who subscribes, and who unsubscribes from the e-Newsletter, and we look at that for several reasons. One of the reasons is that it is an early indicator of job changes in the industry. But it doesn't always work in that order.

Last week in Issue 2494 (December 12th), we announced that Peter Harris had resigned his post as president and CEO of West Marine. But today he unsubscribed. We hope he subscribes again under a different email address.

In today's report, we also noted that Alinghi lawyer Ana Gilrobles was added to our subscription list. It seemed to be her task during the 32nd ACUP to spank all the little people for their use of the America's Cup brand. She spanked us. I wonder if she will spank me if I unsubscribe her?

Online holiday cards don't count

Maybe I will never be fully embraced by the X generation, or whatever label has followed it. To me, online holiday greetings don't count. Lord knows I do plenty by email. Heck, I am a publisher and I don't print anything. Sending out mass updates to my advertisers, to Forum users, to subscribers of the Scuttlebutt e-Newsletter... all simplified by the email process. But not holiday cards, no, can't do it.

Between my family and business, it was over three hundred cards this year. I labeled every one of them, stuffed every one of them, stamped every one of them, and mailed every one of them. No, I didn't personally sign every one of them... okay, none of them (though it would have been nice to have done so). But I thought about each person when I prepped their card, and that is why I do holiday cards.

The online holiday greeting is environmentally friendly, but as soon I read it, I delete it. I hang up the mailed holiday cards I receive. They become part of my holiday decorations. I hope they never go away.

Forum problems

I got a call from my webhost last Friday to say that they had to disable the Scuttlebutt website because of an issue with the Forum. After some technical tactics, I was able to disable the Forum, and get the Scuttlebutt website back online.

What happens next is so typical: the webhost says the problem is with the forum, and the forum provider says there is something wrong with the webhost. Needless to say, I have seen this movie before.

The Forum is still down, which is a shame as we were getting some great posts for our “Best Event in 2007” thread that was tied into our Issue 2500 celebration that is occurring this Thursday.

Some days you just don’t want to get out of bed.

Defending our honor

Credibility is a big deal for the team at Scuttlebutt, with the goal being that each newsletter carries only factual and fair information. You can’t be perfect all the time, and we make our share of mistakes. When we do, we post the correction, and hopefully learn something to keep it from happening again.

Last week we carried a report about the Barcelona World Race that had some information that was not correct. We received the information from the race press agent, and the error had an effect on a third party. This set off a chain of events that still puzzle me. Rather than this third party contacting us, or rather than this third party noting the source of our information and contacting them, they instead sent out a press release to the worldwide sailing media that we screwed up.

On Friday, I learned about this release by reading it in one of these media outlets, which I believe to be the only one that chose to carry the “story”. When I contacted the media outlet, which should have realized that we were not the source of the misinformation, and asked that they amend their story, they refused. This same media outlet goes for more a “quantity over quality” approach, so I guess their response shouldn’t have surprised me. After a few fruitless email exchanges, I gave up, made my corrections, and moved on.

When you sit and wonder, “Where did all the time go,” some of it is always spent dealing with stuff like this. Ugh!

Porn and Hip-Hop

We started a suggestion box on the Scuttlebutt website, figuring that it was time to ask what readers want. Like always, you got to be careful what you ask for. Of the respondents so far, 19% specifically asked for porn. There was another 50% that asked for more photos, and we suspect they were too bashful to say that they wanted more photos of naked people. Porn and hip-hop music seem like they are today's gold mine. Guess we should be happy that folks aren’t asking for more hip-hop.

I have a dream

There was a flurry of America’s Cup email last Friday, an event that becomes more like daytime soap opera with each passing sunset. The reason why we do things is often as interesting as the things that we do. This is certainly the case these days with the Cup, and maybe we will some day learn why the current defender Alinghi has handled the business of the 33rd event in the manner they have… but that day is not here yet.

If you read Issue 2492, you will see that Ernesto Bertarelli sent out an Open Letter that states his desire to change the Deed of Gift. The timing of this letter is odd, as ideas like these should have come immediately following his successful defense, and not now, after all the criticism and legal defeats. Soon after Bertarelli’s release, we received an announcement from the New York YC, which had agreed the night before at the club's Annual Meeting to help the defender and new Challenger of Record (BMW Oracle Racing) get the event back on track.

There are some people that are wholly vested in this event and take it quite seriously, and that is appropriate. However, for the majority, we are just trying to be entertained. It is for that later group that we did some word association, and share the first thing that came to mind regarding these announcements:

Ernesto Bertarelli statement: "I have a dream" (Martin Luther King)

NYYC: "You got a friend in me" (Randy Newman) *

We kept waiting for the BOR announcement, but it never came. However, if it did, we thought it might be this:

BMW Oracle Racing: "Shut up and dance" (Aerosmith)

* We learned Monday morning that whatever friendship that might have been forged between Bertarelli and the NYYC prior to Friday, became strained when they were blindsided by Bertarelli’s “I have a dream” announcement. Their release was planned for today, but was quickly assembled and released on Friday instead, as they felt it vital to better clarify their position in these negotiations.

Parity or Parody?

In Issue 2489, we provided the results for the poll that had asked about the best boat for the 33rd America’s Cup. Based on the poll results, it was evident that folks liked the boats used in the 32nd event this past summer, because they provided close racing. The phrase we used was that “Joe Public likes parody.”

When will we learn? Somebody please smack us over the head, and help us say “parity” when referring to “closeness.” This seems to be a reoccurring problem, and as always, the astute ‘buttheads were there to point it out. Here is a great letter from Rick Hatch:

“The America's Cup may indeed be a parody (see definition no. 3 below) of the "friendly competition between foreign countries" envisaged by the settler of the Cup (George Schulyer); however, Joe Public is more interested in PARITY!"

par·o·dy (n)
1. amusing imitation: a piece of writing or music that deliberately copies another work in a comic or satirical way
2. parodies in general: parodies as a literary or musical style or type
3. poor imitation: an attempt or imitation that is so poor that it seems ridiculous
[Late 16th century. Via late Latin from Greek paroidia , from para “secondary, indirect” + oide “song.”]

par·i·ty (n)
1. equality: equality of status or position, especially in terms of pay or rank
2. similarity between things: the quality of being similar or identical
[Late 16th century. Directly or via Old French parite , from late Latin paritas , from par “equal” (see par).]

Listening and learning

When someone unsubscribes from the e-Newsletter, they are prompted to a survey that asks them why. More often they are only changing email addresses, and removing the old one. The next most frequent reason is that the person either died, or has otherwise checked out, perhaps going on a long trip.

The purpose of the survey is to hopefully find out when we have messed up bad enough to where the person no longer wants to receive Scuttlebutt. Here were a couple of recent ones:

“The time it is delivered wakes me every night on my blackberry! Change from 3am and I will re-subscribe.”

Note: Our 6pm PT delivery time is to allow for evening reading in North America if desired, and morning reading in Europe.

“Email newsletter format is a 3rd grade level. Too much hassle reading with broken up lines & paragraphs, good content, excellent website. Sorry, a simple link to readable version would be enough.”

Note: We’d like to do an HTML version with photos and fancy formatting, but then we’d have to hire staff and either sell subscriptions or increase ad rates, and we fear neither would work. The e-Newsletter does have a link at the top for anyone who still wants the email reminder, but then prefers to click through to the website.

“Too much, way too much, America’s Cup-related crap. This stuff leads 4 out of 5 newsletters, for heaven's sake. I suspect you run this stuff because it’s easy, it's cheap, it's sordid, and because you’ve become fundamentally lazy. Scuttlebutt has become just another source of bacon.”

Note: Agreed, it is pretty easy to find ACUP stories, so we seem to spend our time either finding the best ones, or writing our own. The rest of our time is spent seeking non-ACUP stories, and always appreciate any/all help that is provided.

“The Curmudgeon’s Observation about different sports being for different racial groups seemed cruddy. I was looking for something more easy going.”

Note: It was a joke by Tiger Woods. However, we shouldn't have been surprised by this comment, as we learned long ago that our content should avoid Politics, Religion, Sexism, and Racism. We thought this one was safe... guess not.

Fortunately, most of the comments are like this one, which we tend to get when someone is changing email addresses:

“ I can''t live without it. Awesome reporting and great fun to read. The highlight of my day.....”

Keep em coming, and we’ll do what we can on our end.

Holiday shopping

Want to be a Reality TV producer? Here's your chance:



The Horizon True camera mount allows you to record your sailing/ boating activities on film, with this self leveling camera & rail support. More holiday suggestions from MyBoatsGear.com

The piano position

You should learn something new every day. If it hasn't happened yet, read on:

Date: 09:21 AM 11/29/2007
From: Helena de la Gándara, Mean Machine PR
Please find enclosed the Mean Machine Farr 40 Press Pack, for further information about the team and the new boat. Thanks in advance, Helena de la Gándara

This team is pretty good about promotion, and usually has good information. However, when we opened up the attachment, we were confused over the crew jobs. So we wrote to Helena to clarify:

Date: Thu, 29 Nov 2007 14:35:27 -0800
From: The Curmudgeon
Thank you for the information. On the crew list below, we do not know what position Sander fills. We have never heard of "piano" on a sailboat. - Scuttlebutt

SAILING TEAM
Peter de Ridder ­Owner/ Driver
Ray Davies. Tactician
Dirk de Ridder. Mainsail trimmer
Jonathan Swain. Trimmer spi/genoa
Allen Smith. Bowman
Sander Van der Borch. Piano
Dennis Goethals. Trimmer
Joost de Graaff. Asst. trimmer
Sander Speet. Mastman
Emily Davies. Floater

Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 08:41:26 +0100
From: Helena de la Gándara, Mean Machine PR
Good Morning! Thanks for your mail. You are completely right! Sander's position is as a pit. In Spanish "pit" and "pit assistant" is translated as "piano" or "ayudante de piano" (yes, like a music instrument) and in the Press Kit it wasn't translated! Congratulations about Scuttlebutt; Absolutely great! Regards, Helena de la Gándara

Okay, so now we know.

Avoiding the slaughterhouse

We don’t know how many situations exist like the one below. It is not often that we receive a request like this, but maybe it is because folks think that we aren’t able to afford newsletter space for such a project. We probably can’t, and if we get a hundred requests similar to the one below, we will have a problem on our hands. However, most Scuttlebutt features result because of a need, so we will likely figure out a way to handle it. Until that time, here is letter from a group of people trying to keep a boat out of the slaughterhouse:

Dear Editor:

Acting upon the suggestion of several members of the Association for Yachting Historians (and yes, I am a member) I'm alerting you of the following opportunity to acquire a truly unusual and very special classic yacht. Venture, a 55-foot GL Watson gaff ketch launched in 1924, is available at the Gannon and Benjamin Yard on Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, as a restoration project. Unfortunately the owner's plans have changed and he has given the boatyard instructions to demolish the boat unless a qualified new owner can be found to take on the project.

We are hoping that you will include this project (a welcome antidote to the machinations of the America's Cup and the ISAF) in your newsletters because time is running out for this boat. She's in a space that must be allocated to a new project if a potential owner does not surface in the next couple of days. Hence the urgency. The chain saws aren't running but the chains have been sharpened. Thank you very much. -- Virginia C. Jones

RESTORATION PROJECT
VENTURE, a 55' OD x 42' LWL x 12' B x 8'6" D GL Watson gaff ketch launched 1924 by Samuel White in Cowes is available at the Gannon and Benjamin Yard on Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, as a restoration project. The boat has been disassembled to the bare hull and a detailed proposal prepared for the rebuild/restoration. Although this is a substantial project, there is a lot of the original boat remaining and she is an eminently viable project. Unfortunately the owner's plans have changed and he has given the boatyard instructions to demolish the boat unless a qualified new owner can be found to take on the project. G & B is uniquely qualified to rebuild her to yacht standards and she would make anyone seeking such a vessel a truly special and elegant Edwardian style yacht. Photos, references and further information are available at gandb@gannonandbenjamin.com, or contact Nat Benjamin at 001- 508-693-4658.

Let it go

I probably should let it go, but just can't. I was doing my end of week email clear out when I came across the Swiss statement that the NY court decision went against them. What was most startling to me was the subject line: Statement from Alinghi, SNG and AC Management

What I probably should let go is the fact that these three groups are, in theory, three seperate entities. However, ever since Alinghi won the 32nd event in July (has it been that long), the lines have been blurred between them. It has been hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. They continually spoke for each other as if they were... the same.

So when the email came with this statement, and it made the point of saying it was from these three "seperate" groups, I thought to myself, "hmm, that's a new one."

Experiences not to be forgotten

This weekend, there is a Melges 32 class event in Ft Lauderdale, FL, and a component of the event is for entrants to have a junior sailor on their crew, exposing the youth to both the excitement of the boat, and the extremely talented sailors that will be in attendance. I had a similar opportunity thirty years ago as a young teen, when I was able to sail in the famous Congressional Cup match race event with… Bruno Troublé. It was an experience I have never forgotten.

You likely need to be a certain age to know about Bruno, and why the opinion he shared in Issue 2486 is so valuable. Here are some background notes that he shares:

“Coming back from the Olympics in 76 (Solings), I was asked to come and sail with Baron Bich. From tactician, I quickly became the skipper of the French boat in 77/80 (not much in the later part of 77 after I was hit by a winch drum in the stomach (cast failure, two weeks in hospital ). In 1980, we were the semi-finalist after beating Lawrie Smith on Lionhart, but then were beaten in the challenger finals by Australia. In 1983 - with the same boat as Baron was out and money was scarce - we were beaten before the semis, but then I became the sparring partner helmsman for Alan Bond's team (steering ''Challenge'' in pre start training).

“It was in 1982 when I came up with the idea of the Louis Vuitton Cup for the challenger series, and I have been working with LV since as a part time consultant. I never missed one single race of the trials and Cup! In 2001, I was co-organizer of the AC Jubilee in Cowes, which became one of my very best memory in life. From 1988 to 2003, I was in charge of the communication/ media/ press centre for the Cup. As for 2007, I was working only for LV to make sure that their investment was right. And sadly it wasn’t…"

In Issue 2486, John Rousmaniere also shares his views, and between these two gentlemen, along with so many other valued and respected contributors that have witnessed so much and understand the aura of the Cup, Scuttlebutt has been fortunate to provide extremely valuable dialogue regarding this storied event.

What’s in a name?

Breaking news came today from the organizers of the 2007 Rolex Sydney Hobart race, as there have been some changes to the fleet since the original 90 applications for entry were announced. Are you ready… here they are:

Name changes: ICAP Leopard now called Cityindex Leopard, TBA is now called Patrice Six, The Bigger Picture is now called The Bigger Picture KM&T

Commercialism of sailing… be careful what you ask for.

Jinxing ourselves

It’s nearly 3pm PT, and we haven’t received any hate correspondence from our story titled BOARDSAILING BATTLEGROUND in Issue 2484. Maybe we got it right then, or we are now jinxing ourselves. It would seem that the parties involved are providing their side to certain media outlets, while Scuttlebutt did a bit of digging to get a more balanced version. However, you never know how these things turn out. It was pretty startling, though, to learn how Mike Gebhardt has a report of misconduct filed against himself from the US Olympic Trials PRO. That one could really sting if it plays out.

Kids write about the sea

From the innocence of a child:

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James, age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

A DAY WITHOUT SMILING IS A WASTED DAY!!!

Stepping Up - Deserving Props

Each morning the Scuttlebutt staff opens the email, checks in with the sailing media, and by days end, hopefully compiles and creates the most riveting and relevant stories for the newsletter. The Scuttlebutt community is a major source of information, and the credibility of our readership is a valued asset. However, when a reader offers to write about an event, we still often have no idea where it will lead. That was the case when NY lawyer Cory Friedman asked if we would be interested in his commentary regarding the lawsuit that Golden Gate YC had filed against the America’s Cup defending club, Société Nautique de Genève (SNG).

From Cory’s first submission, it was obvious how lucky we were. The tangle of press releases from both sides of the case was consistently unraveled, and the facts of the case were both fairly analyzed, and entertainingly presented. Cory’s commentary was picked up by the international sailing media, and even earned him a seat next to Ernesto Berterelli in the Model Room of the New York YC. The sport of sailing is rarely granted such quality reporting on legal matters, and Scuttlebutt felt highly privileged to have been the conduit for the service he provided. To Cory… thank you… and to the Scuttlebutt community, your opportunity awaits.

* A Perpetual Cup for Not So Friendly Competition Between Lawyers (nine reports)

* "One On One” with Ernesto Bertarelli

Coffee tastes better with soul

We get a lot of letters, and try to publish all those that have something to contribute. This section of Scuttlebutt is special to us, as these are real people using their real names, saying things that they stand behind. Stuff like that counts. Here is one that deserved to be blogged:

I've been reading daily Scuttlebutt messages more often lately. Many of the articles and response messages make me undertand how Andy Rooney (the old dude on 60 minutes) stays on as a reporter of sort.

I usually enjoy drinking my coffee and reading Scuttlebutt as the sun rises each morning to learn about fun stuff, how old friends are performing, and about race results. Your site has offered this great opportunity prior to checking the stock market and going to work each day.

Can the court BS move on to Court TV rather than to your sailing website? Coffee tastes much better with soul rather than with an attorney in mind. -- Rob Snyders

Great ideas gone bad

Remember when tossing someone into the water was a dandy prank on a summer day? Winning an event got you tossed into the bay. Walking too close to the pool’s edge earned you a nudge into the drink. But today, with our pockets full of phones, car remotes, cameras, etc, taking an unexpected swim can be at a minimum expensive, but more likely extremely inconvenient due to the loss of valuable information.

We got a good laugh from a new gadget that is meant to save our valuables from sinking when accidentally dropped in the water. Here are the details on the Waterbuoy floation device w/ flashing light:

After using 20 unique and internationally patented functions, the creators of the Waterbuoy are confident that you will be able to enjoy your water fun without having to worry about valuables falling into the water. So here's how is works: After your keys, radio, tools etc. fall into the water a trigger activates gas to be released into a balloon which has buoyancy to lift 1Kg. As soon as the Waterbuoy is submerged in water a flashing high intensity LED is activated. This makes the Waterbuoy the first flotation device visible at night.

Great, so we have spent $32 to save something that is now broken. Click here to sign up.

Sailing is a sport for...?

According to Tiger Woods:

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."


Okay, but who is Sailing a sport for?

Comments on

Scuttleblog just turned on the comments feature. When the blog was initially set-up, we thought that having comments on the blog would spread out the converations too far. Having letters in the Newsletter, posts in the Forum, and comments in the Blog seemed too much. However, we might have broken Blogger ettiquette by this decision, and in doing so have kept the conversation too one-sided. Comments on - chat away.

Blowing it out the backside

The evolution of the America's Cup into this commercial mega-event has created a workforce that must maintain it. However, this workforce now has a vested interest to keep the event active, and given that it is far from a stable business model, it would seem to be a challenge to keep the interests of the Cup first and foremost. Maybe we are just being cynical, but this photo reminds us how America's Cup press conferences could be dangerous to our health.

Editorial decisions

Scuttlebutt editors find a lot of stuff, and a lot of stuff is sent to us. Some of it is relevant to the sport, and some of it is crap. Here is an example why the process won't ever be automated:

Britney Spears' ex Kevin Federline was forced to cancel a family yachting trip last month (Oct07) after his sons contracted the eye infection that has plagued their parents. Sean Preston, two, and Jayden James, one, were enjoying a presailing barbecue when Federline noticed them robbing their eyes. He immediately realised both boys had pinkeye because he was the first member of the family to suffer the infection. Spears also spent a week hiding her infection behind dark glasses.

A source tells America's Life & Style magazine, "Kevin had originally booked a yacht ride for everyone, but they had to cancel it because of the pinkeye. Everyone thinks it (infection) came from Britney's dog. The dog had it first, and then everyone else seemed to get it - including Britney." -- The Post Chronicle

The Nielsen Ratings

We don’t envy the challenge print magazines have at maintaining their online presence. Write for the magazine and get paid in subscriptions – write for the website and drain the marketing budget. Some magazines move old articles from the magazine to the website, while others try to feed the beast with a steady diet of fresh stories.

In our humble opinion, Elaine Bunting of Yachting World seems to have found an ideal groove of providing newsy features with a casual writing style. They are short bites, but always valuable. A recent post of hers gave us a good giggle, as she wants to expose some of the sailing website that like to announce their greatness through inflated and misleading web stats.

Apparently, Yachting World purchased a £7k licence for audit software, has been looking into the stats of some of these sailing website, and is getting ready to reveal the rankings. As Bunting calls it, the software is a “cross between an internet lie detector and a giant Bullshit Taser.” We are eager to see the results, though with the large number of Scuttlebutt readers that receive the e-Newsletter, we suspect that our website will not be among the leaders. That’s okay, just so there is a single means of measuring everybody, and the boasters get revealed if they have been "cooking the books."

Let's say thanks

The following comes from a valued American Scuttlebutt reader, and while it has nothing to do with sailing, and likely has enough political implications to warrant a full inbox of disgruntled 'butthead email, we shall post this anyway... cause it is the right thing to do:

This is a great thing to do for our troops! Something that Xerox is doing. If you go to this web site, www.LetsSayThanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services. How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! This is a great site. Please send a card. It is FREE and it only takes a second. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our guys and gals over there need to know we are behind them ...

Angel Funding

Fundraising programs for community sailing center is hardly news. We would suspect that most every community sailing center relies heavily – and annually – on donations to keep their programs running. However, the news quotient does rise when the fundraising goes particularly well, or has the ability to do so. Enter the Milwaukee Community Sailing Center.

Since 1977, this not-for-profit, volunteer-driven, open-to-the-public sailing organization has introduced more than 100,000 people to the sport. Nearly 8,000 adults and 20,000 children have taken formal sailing and racing classes there. Additionally, MCSC is also internationally acclaimed for bringing sailing to children and adults with disabilities, and to kids that otherwise would never have a chance to sail. And it has all been done, 7 days a week May through October, from a sagging, leaky 900 square foot building with no indoor plumbing and one cluttered poorly-lit classroom.

MCSC has been working for almost 5 years to raise the funds to improve its facilities and programs and increase its reach. Buddy Melges has served as campaign chairperson, and Harken kicked it off with a major commitment. But it has been a long road. Then last month, a donor challenged the organization to stop fundraising and start building. If MCSC reaches $2.4 million in commitments by December 1st, 2007, it will receive challenge grants of more than $1 million and the expansion can begin.

Click here to learn more about their expansion plans, or click on the button below to make a donation.

Access forbidden?

Access forbidden, or just not available? Always a shame to see a media entity having problems... honest!

Delicate balance of life

I hate blog entries that start out saying how sorry the blogger is for so much time passing since his or her last entry. I am only writing it here to get me in the right frame of mind to continue, and plan on deleting it once I am done. If I forget to delete it, please send me an email to let me know.

The delicate balance of life has been tilting again at Scuttlebutt Headquarters. While the sport takes a snooze in some circles during this time of year, office life here remains at a quick pace. The tragic fires in San Diego and Southern California affected so many, and while our location was far from being threatened, life was affected nonetheless.

Additionally, multi-tasking is heightened as the fall and winter season is when ad sales become the focus. Most companies are now setting their ad schedule for the coming year, and with our limited ad inventory, we will have sold up to 70% of our ad slots by the end of December. This past year has been our strongest ever, with ad placement lead-time reaching six months. It is a tribute to our quality readership that has made the publication such a valuable tool for marine advertisers.

The approaching holidays have a way of interrupting the flow of work, but they are an important time to check in with those things that really matter: family and friends. Taking a line from a previously used Curmudgeon’s Observation…” Work is good but it's not that important.”

Pumpkin Regattas

Go figure...

Click here to read story.

Happy Skeleton

Yes, this has nothing to do with sailing. Yes, Halloween was yesterday, but we are not going to wait until next year, so you might as well just give it a look.

Halloween Definitions

· Bobbing Apples: What happens when you leave your bra off while running.
· Boogie man: Guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.
· Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat.
· Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer
· Full Moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge.
· Goblin: How you eat the Snickers Bars you got for Halloween.
· Jack O' Lantern: An Irish pumpkin.
· Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing each week.
· Mummy: Who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.
· Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking.
· Skeleton: Any super model.
· Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with.
· Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee.

Redneck Observations

In Issue 2462, the Curmudgeon got the attention of at least one 'butthead with this Observation:

You know you're a redneck when you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

Here are a couple photos that were sent in, with 20+ more available by clicking here.

Redneck Bass Boat

The Redneck Yacht

Really Stupid Boat Names

A few weeks ago, the blog “Messing About in Sailboats” asked for submissions in their attempt to gather the Stupidest Boat Names. Scuttlebutt gave them a boost, and the end result was a list of beauties.

They have been categorized and unscientifically grouped in a totally subjective way that made sense to the blogger after a few beers. It might not have been the worthiest of causes, but Scuttlebutt pitches in when we can. Click here for the list.

Surplus wisdom

Faithful Scuttlebutt readers are the steady source for the Curmudgeon's wisdom shared at the close of each newsletter. Some are usable, some are not. Here is one that did not fit the requirements, but was too cute to toss:

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre Museum. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

(See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.)

Cats and buttered toast

Every issue of Scuttlebutt takes careful editing and research, including the closing comments by our infamous editor, The Curmudgeon. In Issue 2456, the Curmudgeon’s Conundrum (If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?) has led to the following submission by Mike Esposito:

This is lifted from my alma mater’s AP chemistry alumni page. It expands on your Conundrum somewhat....

THE SECRET OF ANTIGRAVITY...
If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet.

But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter attraction are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle todrive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash on top of them.

And now a few words on solving the problem of creating a ship using the aforementioned anti-gravity device.

One could power a ship by means of cats held in suspended animation (say, about -190 degrees Celsius) with buttered bread strapped to their backs, thus avoiding the possibility of collisions due to tempermental felines. More importantly, how do you steer, once the cats are all held in stasis?

I offer a modest proposal:
We all know that wearing a white shirt at an Italian restaurant is a guaranteed way to take a trip to the laudromat. Plaster the outside of your ship with white shirts. Place four nozzles symmetrically around the ship, which is, of course, saucer shaped. Fire tomato sauce out in proportion to the directions you want to go. The ship, drawn by the shirts, will automatically follow the sauce. If you use T-shirts, you won't go as fast as you would by using, say, expensive dress shirts. This does not work as well in deep gravity wells, since the tomato sauce (now falling down a black hole, perhaps) will drag the ship with it, despite the counter force of the anti-gravity cat/butter machine. Your only hope at that point is to jettison enormous quantities of Tide. This will create the well-known Gravitational Tidal Force.

It's never like this

When you are buying plane tickets to San Diego, CA to compete in the US Championship of Champions, there is a presumption that of the many obstacles you are soon to face, adverse weather will not be one of them.

You will be competing against 18 other teams, all having earned their way to this event by standing at the top step of their class championship podium. You will not be sailing in your expertly prepared boat, but rather adapting to the fleet of supplied boats for the event, which for this year is the Snipe. You may even be teaming up with someone other than your championship crew so as to better meet the weight and experience needed for the Snipe. All these are big obstacles, but at least you will be going to San Diego, and will benefit from the steady sea breeze and warm sun that the fall weather provides.

Those thoughts were surely going through the minds of the competitors who had gathered Wednesday morning at Mission Bay Yacht Club, circled around a full-rigged Snipe in the parking lot, and being educated by past national champion and local fleet captain Doug Hart. However, the ominous clouds overhead were a reminder of the previous night’s rain, and the intermittent drizzle that had continued through the morning. The glassed off bay in the background did little to assure the promise of a worthy practice session in the afternoon, which was deemed vital to grasp the characteristics prior to the first race on Thursday.

As Hart worked his way around the boat, balancing his instruction between those familiar with a doublehanded dinghy, and those less so, you could easily hear the thoughts on the minds of so many locals, “It’s never like this.” However, per the Hollywood script, the skies cleared, and the seabreeze kicked in to provide a worthy outing to test out the lake-like conditions in Mission Bay, and to otherwise familiarize themselves with the first boat each competitor will be using in what is planned to be a full, 18 race rotation series. The forecast bodes well for the rest of the event as well, with races scheduled on Thursday through Saturday.

San Francisco to Key West

Here’s a ‘butthead that wants to get his boat to Key West, but he needs help and money. His plan is to send a letter to Scuttlebutt and see if we can make it happen for him. What are we now … the matchmaker?

"Looking for that couple who would like to cruise but do not have a boat. I would like to leave the Bay Area in November or December and arrive in Key West sometime in 2008. The distance from SF to KW is about 5000 miles through the Panama canal. I would like to find a couple that would travel/cruise as though the boat were there own, I would come along as skipper or crew. I have owned this 45' Dufour 12000ct since 1982 and have cruised the Med,Carib,So.Pac, Japan,Russia,Alaska. (last year: KW>SF) I am now alone and would like to share my boat back to Key West where I reside and will retire. -- norman.davison@gmail.com"

Stripper poles

This was sent to Scuttlebutt this week. Between America's Cup rumors and this, we don't know what to believe anymore...

It's the latest trend to hit the boating scene in the US and Canada - dance poles are the latest craze! Talk about a conversation piece for yor boat! People are buying stripper poles and having them designed to match their water crafts. I thought you might have interest in this fun item.

Lil' Mynx is the company that makes these poles and business is booming with orders all over the U.S. (more than $2 million business.) It started out as Women using these poles to get in shape, unleash their inner sex kitten and now it gives some fun and adventure to your boat decor. The poles are so popular as a design feature that they are now available in an array of colors (pink, red, flames, rainbow and custom to match your car.)

I'd be happy to provide high resolution photos, more information, or set up an interview with someone from the company.

Jenn Hoffman, Senior Publicist
Orca Communications Unlimited, LLC
Jenn@orcacommunications.com
www.orcacommunications.com
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Okay, we are soooo in a cave on this stripper pole "craze." We just learned that it is all Oprah's fault... here is an email we now received from Thailand:

(Monday, Oct 15th) Hi, as you seem to be caught up with stripper poles, we thought you may find the image (to the right) very amusing. Although pole dancing is alive and well here, especially in Thailand beer bars, the authorities don't encourage these activities on their public transport. It certainly is very invigorating and as a former part time instructor, I can recommend US housewives take it on to improve fitness and may even see their husbands rise to the occasion. -- Capt Marty Rijkuris, AsianYachting Ventures