Monday, April 21, 2008

Marriage theme

From Issue 2579:

If brides wear white at weddings to represent happiness, then why do grooms wear black?

Which prompted these 'buttheads to write in:

* From Gordon Hinds: I think brides wear white to symbolise sexual and moral purity (virgin). Grooms wear black as it symbolises the death of their wayward bachelor ways...

* From Andrew Mason: On the marriage theme, marriage is like a castle under siege: lots of people on the outside trying to get in and lots of people on the inside trying to get out.

This week's Curmudgeon's Observations are going to have a marriage theme. Submit your "observations" in the comments section of this post.

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At 6:24 PM, Blogger Hugh Elliot said...

Second marriages are a triumph of hope over experience.

Samuel Johnson

At 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, you think your prospective wife will be your best friend? Put her and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open it up & see who is really happy to see you.

At 8:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If love is blind, marriage is a real eye-opener.

At 8:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another one from Anonymous: Divorce, says Robin Williams, is a simple surgical procedure in which a man's testicles are extracted through his wallet.

At 10:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

divorce is like reefing the main in heavy the second time you think of's probably too late!


At 4:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."--Rod Stewart

At 5:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marriage...a bullet dodged with a simple, "no".

At 6:17 AM, Anonymous Big Mike said...

Marriage: An easy formula. "Happy wife Happy Life, Miserable wife, Miserable life". Life is what you make it. Happy sailing. Big Mikey Howard

At 6:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who was it that said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got
married, but then it was too late"?

At 8:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

overheard from Wolfgang Chamberlain commenting on the launching of Puma's new Volvo Ocean 70 "Launching a new boat is like your wedding day." "They are never more beautiful and they will never weigh less"

At 9:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marriage: When they tell you it's for better or worse, they make it sound like the odds are 50:50

At 10:00 AM, Anonymous David Tabor, VA said...

Marriage is the only union that can't be organized, even though both parties think like management.

Once upon a prince asked a princess to marry him.
She said NO.
So he went sailing anytime he wanted and lived happily ever after!

At 5:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

First you buy a car, then a house, then you get married, then you buy a boat, then an airplane. Then you sell the airplane, sell the boat, get a divorce, sell the house, and sell your car.

The next time around you buy an airplane, then a boat, then a house, then a car.......

At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to think people continued to go ocean racing because they had short memories, now I realise it's because they are married and they are looking for longer races

At 10:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

First Guy (prou dly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

At 5:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"A man is not complete until he is married, and then he is finished..."

At 5:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marriage is not a word, it's a sentence....

At 6:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I first started racing about 25 years ago my friend brought his wife. He is about 15 years older than me.
My comment was ‘Why did you bring a boat anchor to a boat race?’
His comment was ‘John, with wives, the better part of valor is keeping your mouth shut.
She has never raced since and I have been married for over 20 years. Good advice.

At 7:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Men with pierced ears are good marriage candidates: they know pain and have purchased jewelry.
-Rhea Perlman

At 10:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marriage and Hurricanes are similar. First there is a lot of sucking and blowing......and then your house is gone.

At 1:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember the boat in San Diego FUJIMO?

At 5:17 PM, Anonymous dbs said...

Spouses are like pancakes - sometimes, you have to throw the first one out.

At 8:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The two worst years of marriage are the first year and the year you are in now.

At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As best told by my wife:
Never criticize a woman until you have walked a mile in her shoes. Because then you are a mile away. And you have her shoes.


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